diff --git a/constants.js b/constants.js
index 5ee9d33..290b399 100644
--- a/constants.js
+++ b/constants.js
@@ -606,24 +606,24 @@ let prodUpgradeText = {
   ],
   "metro": [
     {
-      "name": "metro-1",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Suburbia",
+      "desc": "As far as the eye can see!"
     },
     {
-      "name": "metro-2",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Mass Transit",
+      "desc": "Mass transit? Ass transit."
     },
     {
-      "name": "metro-3",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Slackened Building Codes",
+      "desc": "Who cares about things over 'overcrowding'?"
     },
     {
-      "name": "metro-4",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Over-Ground Subway",
+      "desc": "Putting the subway above-ground makes it a *lot* easier to feed on."
     },
     {
-      "name": "metro-5",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "No Building Codes",
+      "desc": "Just cram people inside."
     }
   ],
   "county": [
@@ -632,42 +632,42 @@ let prodUpgradeText = {
       "desc": "Eh, close enough."
     },
     {
-      "name": "county-2",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Redistricting",
+      "desc": "Optimize your snacking excursions."
     },
     {
-      "name": "county-3",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Peoplesheds",
+      "desc": "Like watersheds, but, you know, people."
     },
     {
-      "name": "county-4",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Economic Stimulus",
+      "desc": "Just kidding! It's just an excuse to devour more people."
     },
     {
-      "name": "county-5",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Giant Pile of People",
+      "desc": "Literally no pretenses anymore. You're just eating big piles of people."
     }
   ],
   "state": [
     {
-      "name": "state-1",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "States' Rights",
+      "desc": "...to feed you lots and lots of people."
     },
     {
-      "name": "state-2",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Interstate Commerce",
+      "desc": "Exports: People. Imports: Not people."
     },
     {
-      "name": "state-3",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Gerrymandering",
+      "desc": "Unethical? Yes. Illegal? Maybe. Delicious? Absolutely!"
     },
     {
-      "name": "state-4",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "State of Hunger",
+      "desc": "It's a regional emergency! Feed the poor beast!"
     },
     {
-      "name": "state-5",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Two Capitals",
+      "desc": "Whilst you devour one, the other is being rebuilt. So efficient!"
     }
   ],
   "country": [
@@ -676,8 +676,8 @@ let prodUpgradeText = {
       "desc": "Take me hooooooome / to the plaaaaaace / where GULP"
     },
     {
-      "name": "country-2",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "Election Mawnth",
+      "desc": "Get out the vote! Get in the monster!"
     },
     {
       "name": "country-3",
@@ -732,8 +732,8 @@ let prodUpgradeText = {
       "desc": ""
     },
     {
-      "name": "planet-5",
-      "desc": ""
+      "name": "BFG",
+      "desc": "The Big Fucking Gumball"
     }
   ],
   "solar-system": [